The best mean jokes

Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
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has 77.98 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage, mean, women
Q: How do you circumcise a redneck? A: You kick his sister in the jaw.
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has 77.68 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: family, mean, redneck
Three couples are having a picnic. One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey." The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar." Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
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has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: couple, food, mean, men, vulgar
Wife: "There's something preying on my mind." Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
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has 77.37 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: divorce, mean, men, money, women
Q: Why did my wife cross the road? A: To go back to the first shoe shop we went in three bloody hours ago.
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has 77.36 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: business, mean, travel, wife, women
It can buy a House But not a Home It can buy a Bed But not Sleep It can buy a Clock But not Time It can buy you a Book But not Knowledge It can buy you a Position But not Respect It can buy you Medicine But not Health It can buy you Blood But not Life So you see, Money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want totake away your pain and suffering... So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. A more true Friend you will never find.
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has 77.35 % from 290 votes. More jokes about: friendship, mean, money, poems
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"
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has 76.96 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: air force, airplane, car, mean, work
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
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has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: life, mean
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, marriage, mean
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