The best mean jokes

Mum: "How would you describe me?" Dad: "ABCDEFGHIJK" Mum: "What does that mean?" Dad: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, funny, graceful, helpful, intelligent." Mum: "What about JK?" Dad: "Just Kidding."
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More jokes about: communication, mean, men, women
The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for. "Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible." The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?" "Yeah. But you started it."
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, graduation, mean, money, work
You are in my heart, you are in my blood, you are in all my body. Alas, my doc says: "You are a parasite!"
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More jokes about: doctor, flirt, health, mean, romantic
A Yankee from Chicago and a Texan were talking. The Yankee said, "sex is so easy where I'm from we just walk up and stick it in." The Texan said, "where I'm from we stick it in and walk up."
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More jokes about: communication, dirty, geography, mean, sex
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean
Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife? A: Let him keep her!
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: mean, men, wife
The Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management.
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More jokes about: management, mean, work
Wife: "There's something preying on my mind." Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
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More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
Q: How are women and tornadoes alike? A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they go.
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More jokes about: mean, weather, women
The wife and I had come to town to pick up a few things. We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb. So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break. But he paid us no attention and kept writing. Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, "What a Bozo." The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket. I said, "Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he's so proud of himself, he's showing off." The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third. We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen. Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street. We didn't care about the tickets. We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers. Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused. We feel it's important.
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, cop, mean, old people, vulgar