My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat."
"You're much bigger than that."
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Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
Three couples are having a picnic.
One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey."
The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar."
Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
Q: Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors?
A: So they can see the battlefield.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
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My ex-girlfriend loves the heat.
She has a nostalgia for hell.
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I was wondering why air is so polluted.
Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air".
Now it makes sense.
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion.
One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head.
"No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair."
As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
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Joke has 76.96 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: beauty, business, communication, customer service, mean
Q: How are women and tornadoes alike?
A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they go.
A man stumbles across an old lamp while he was at his attorney's office.
Figuring his luck has to change, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie.
The genie explains to him that he gets three wishes, and whatever he wishes for, his wife gets double.
The man asks for his first wish.
"The first thing I want is a million dollars."
The genie says, "Okay, but you know that your wife gets two million."
The man said, "That's okay. My second wish is for a large house on a remote tropical paradise."
The genie says, "Then your wife will have two beautiful houses."
The man replied, "That's fine. Now for my third wish. I want you to beat me half to death."