The best mean jokes

Q: How are women and tornadoes alike? A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they go.
has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: mean, weather, women
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"
has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: air force, airplane, car, mean, work
It can buy a House But not a Home It can buy a Bed But not Sleep It can buy a Clock But not Time It can buy you a Book But not Knowledge It can buy you a Position But not Respect It can buy you Medicine But not Health It can buy you Blood But not Life So you see, Money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want totake away your pain and suffering... So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. A more true Friend you will never find.
has 77.32 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: friendship, mean, money, poems
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
has 77.23 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: flirt, mean, men, women
Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
has 77.06 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, mean, sex, vulgar
The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for. "Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible." The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?" "Yeah. But you started it."
has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: accountant, graduation, mean, money, work
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
has 76.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, mean, wife, wine
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. "Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid." "Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
has 76.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: age, love, mean, wedding
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, mean, wife, women
Yo mama so ugly that her mom only fed her with a sling shot.
has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, ugly, Yo mama
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