The best mean jokes

At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair." As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
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has 79.54 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: beauty, business, communication, customer service, mean
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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has 79.18 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean
Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
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has 79.06 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: mean, technology, vulgar
Q: Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors? A: So they can see the battlefield.
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has 78.86 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, mean, war
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, marriage, mean
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
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has 78.06 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: divorce, mean, men, money, women
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"
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has 78.01 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: air force, airplane, car, mean, work
A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a lawyer are riding together on a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the best vodka out of his pack, pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In Russia, we have the best vodka in the world - nowhere in the world, you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukraine. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying this, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle through it. All the others are quite impressed. The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, unwraps one, lights it, and begins to smoke, saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Nowhere else in the world produces such a fine cigar, and we have so many of them, that we can just throw them away..." Saying that he opens the window and throws the pack of Havanas through it. Once again, everybody is quite impressed. At this point, the American stands up silently, opens the window, and throws the lawyer through it.
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has 77.53 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, ethnic, lawyer, mean, work
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
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has 77.47 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, money, wife, work
Three couples are having a picnic. One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey." The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar." Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
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has 77.47 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: couple, food, mean, men, vulgar
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