The best mean jokes

An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"
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has 76.54 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: air force, airplane, car, mean, work
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...
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has 76.51 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Halloween, life, mean, travel, work
I was walking through the cemetery the other day when a thought crossed my mind. Call me a sentimental old fool if you like, but I couldn't resist it. I texted my ex saying 'wish you were here'.
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has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: age, death, mean, morbid, relationship
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps? A: New Jersey got first pick.
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: geography, lawyer, mean
My ex-girlfriend loves the heat. She has a nostalgia for hell.
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has 76.27 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
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has 76.22 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, game, kids, mean, Santa
A man was talking to his wife about going to the social security office. He said he would go the next day. So the next morning he goes but when he gets there he realized he forgot his license and she said that was fine she could tell his age by the hair on his chest. So he opened his shirt and everything went smoothly. He got home and told his wife what happened and she said: "well honey if you would have pulled down your pants you could have filed for disability."
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, mean, sex, wife
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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has 75.91 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
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has 75.66 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, mean, wife
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
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has 75.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, money, wife, work
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