The best mean jokes

I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...
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has 76.68 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, single, women
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
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has 76.20 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, mean, party, ugly, women
I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: love, mean
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention? A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: black humor, mean, time, vulgar, work
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, customer service, mean, technology
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."
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has 75.18 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship, romantic, Valentines day
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
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has 74.71 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: internet, IT, kids, mean, technology
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Halloween, life, mean, travel, work
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair." As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: beauty, business, communication, customer service, mean
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