The best mean jokes

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."
Vote: has 76.01 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: love, mean, relationship, romantic, Valentines day
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, communication, mean, wife, wine
Q: What's the worst part about sex? A: When they wake up!
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: mean, sex
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry. Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
Vote: has 75.77 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, friendship, marriage, mean, sex
Two friends, Jenny and Jinny were thinking what to play during the afternoon. For a long time, they could not decide upon any game. Suddenly, Jenny had an idea. She turned to Jinny and said excitedly. "Let's play schools". "OK!" said Jinny. "But I'm going to be absent."
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: friendship, game, mean, school, time
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, customer service, mean, technology
A Yankee from Chicago and a Texan were talking. The Yankee said, "sex is so easy where I'm from we just walk up and stick it in." The Texan said, "where I'm from we stick it in and walk up."
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dirty, geography, mean, sex
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention? A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, mean, time, vulgar, work
Yo mama so ugly that her mom only fed her with a sling shot.
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, mean, ugly, Yo mama
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
Vote: has 74.21 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men


<<<6789
More jokes →
Page 6 of 18.