The best mean jokes

Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
Vote:
has 76.54 % from 137 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, mean, sex, vulgar
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Vote:
has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, mean, wife
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."
Vote:
has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: friendship, mean, Valentines day, wife, work
My ex-girlfriend loves the heat. She has a nostalgia for hell.
Vote:
has 76.27 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship
It can buy a House But not a Home It can buy a Bed But not Sleep It can buy a Clock But not Time It can buy you a Book But not Knowledge It can buy you a Position But not Respect It can buy you Medicine But not Health It can buy you Blood But not Life So you see, Money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want totake away your pain and suffering... So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. A more true Friend you will never find.
Vote:
has 76.09 % from 320 votes. More jokes about: friendship, mean, money, poems
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Vote:
has 75.95 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: divorce, mean, men, money, women
Q: How do you circumcise a redneck? A: You kick his sister in the jaw.
Vote:
has 75.91 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: family, mean, redneck
I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...
Vote:
has 75.53 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, single, women
The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for. "Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible." The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?" "Yeah. But you started it."
Vote:
has 75.20 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: accountant, graduation, mean, money, work
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Vote:
has 75.19 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, religious, wife
<<<6789
More jokes →
Page 6 of 22.