The best mean jokes

"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair." As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, business, communication, customer service, mean
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, mean, religious, wife
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, dentist, life, mean, redneck
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, mean, office, work
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
Vote: has 74.96 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
Teacher: "Who can tell what is a mammal? Little Johnny: "My grand mother!"
Vote: has 74.89 % from 86 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, little Johnny, mean, old people, teacher
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: customer service, family, mean, money, music
Two friends, Jenny and Jinny were thinking what to play during the afternoon. For a long time, they could not decide upon any game. Suddenly, Jenny had an idea. She turned to Jinny and said excitedly. "Let's play schools". "OK!" said Jinny. "But I'm going to be absent."
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: friendship, game, mean, school, time
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, customer service, mean, technology