The best mean jokes

Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps? A: New Jersey got first pick.
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: geography, lawyer, mean
My ex-girlfriend loves the heat. She has a nostalgia for hell.
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has 76.27 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
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has 76.15 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
A man was talking to his wife about going to the social security office. He said he would go the next day. So the next morning he goes but when he gets there he realized he forgot his license and she said that was fine she could tell his age by the hair on his chest. So he opened his shirt and everything went smoothly. He got home and told his wife what happened and she said: "well honey if you would have pulled down your pants you could have filed for disability."
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, mean, sex, wife
Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
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has 76.04 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, mean, sex, vulgar
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"
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has 75.60 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: air force, airplane, car, mean, work
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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has 75.38 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean
I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...
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has 75.27 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, single, women
Q: If Bigamy is having one wife too much, what is Monogamy? A: The Same!
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage, mean, wife
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
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has 74.71 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, religious, wife
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