The best mean jokes

Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention? A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, mean, time, vulgar, work
Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas? A: My bike.
Vote: has 73.46 % from 238 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, Christmas, kids, mean
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Vote: has 73.44 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, mean, religious, wife
The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for. "Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible." The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?" "Yeah. But you started it."
Vote: has 73.44 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, graduation, mean, money, work
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
Vote: has 72.93 % from 172 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, mean, phone, sex, time
Parents: "Why are you welcoming guests in your underwear? " Me: "Hated me to take off my underwear."
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: mean
Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. "I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, disgusting, hunting, mean
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?" And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, communication, mean, time, work
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, graduation, mean, money, time
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, dentist, life, mean, redneck


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