The best mean jokes

Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
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has 76.26 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, game, kids, mean, Santa
A Yankee from Chicago and a Texan were talking. The Yankee said, "sex is so easy where I'm from we just walk up and stick it in." The Texan said, "where I'm from we stick it in and walk up."
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has 76.11 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, geography, mean, sex
Q: How do you circumcise a redneck? A: You kick his sister in the jaw.
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has 76.11 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: family, mean, redneck
Q: Why did my wife cross the road? A: To go back to the first shoe shop we went in three bloody hours ago.
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has 76.01 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: business, mean, travel, wife, women
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
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has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, religious, wife
A man is watching TV supping the fourth can from his six pack. "Don't go", he suddenly yells at the screen. "Do not enter that building. Turn around and walk away. Aargh, you stupid man." His wife calls from the kitchen, "what on earth are you watching?" "Our wedding video," he bravely answers.
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has 75.20 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: beer, communication, mean, wedding
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
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has 75.00 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
A man was talking to his wife about going to the social security office. He said he would go the next day. So the next morning he goes but when he gets there he realized he forgot his license and she said that was fine she could tell his age by the hair on his chest. So he opened his shirt and everything went smoothly. He got home and told his wife what happened and she said: "well honey if you would have pulled down your pants you could have filed for disability."
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, mean, sex, wife
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, mean
A wife who put her husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: husband, mean, sex, wife
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