"Wow, look at that! Isn't it beautiful? Let's destroy it." -People
An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief. After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps? A: New Jersey got first pick.
Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. "I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."
Yo mammas so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection said," I quit." And walked away.
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. "We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded. I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. "I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
I lost 125 pounds. It took me a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, but I finally divorced the bitch!