The best mean jokes

The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for. "Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible." The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?" "Yeah. But you started it."
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has 73.64 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: accountant, graduation, mean, money, work
Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?" He says, "No, our house isn't blue."
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
Q: How are women and tornadoes alike? A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they go.
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: mean, weather, women
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: mean, money, work
On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. "Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor. "It did," the doctor replied.
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has 73.48 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, hunting, mean, time
"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me." "Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?" "Scissors," I replied.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, wine
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...
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has 73.13 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: Halloween, life, mean, travel, work
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
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has 73.12 % from 198 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, phone, sex, time
When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
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has 73.11 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, mean
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, husband, mean, men, wife