The best mean jokes

The July temperature in Joplin climbed over the one hundred mark. Despite the scorching heat, Bozell was outside painting his house. A passerby stopped for a moment to watch him and then asked, "How cum yer wearin' two jackets?" "'Cause," said the redneck, "the directions on the can say ta put on two coats!"
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: mean, redneck, vulgar, weather
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?" And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: accountant, communication, mean, time, work
A wife who put her husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
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has 73.48 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: husband, mean, sex, wife
"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me." "Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?" "Scissors," I replied.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, wine
French Army rifles for sale – never fired and only dropped once!
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has 73.40 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, mean, military, war
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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has 73.22 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, relationship, sex, technology
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
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has 72.98 % from 197 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, phone, sex, time
On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. "Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor. "It did," the doctor replied.
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, hunting, mean, time
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, husband, mean, men, wife
I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom. Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?" "My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.
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has 72.60 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: dirty, marriage, mean, relationship, sex