The best mean jokes

When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
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has 73.46 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, mean
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, husband, mean, men, wife
"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me." "Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?" "Scissors," I replied.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, wine
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
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has 73.43 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, game, kids, mean, Santa
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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has 73.31 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
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has 73.17 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, mean, party, ugly, women
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day
Yo mammas so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection said," I quit." And walked away.
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has 72.74 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, ugly, Yo mama
A wife who put her husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
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has 72.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: husband, mean, sex, wife
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...
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has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: Halloween, life, mean, travel, work