I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru.
There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window.
"We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded.
I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich.
"I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk."
Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection.
Once, a man asked how much a record cost.
My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
Vote:
Yo mammas so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection said," I quit."
And walked away.
Vote:
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills.
I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
Vote:
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me,
"Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it."
I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
Vote:
"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?"
"My name is Paul."
On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs.
"Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor.
"It did," the doctor replied.
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder:
Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.