The best mean jokes

A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
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has 72.66 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, mean, party, ugly, women
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
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has 72.56 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: customer service, family, mean, money, music
Yo mammas so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection said," I quit." And walked away.
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has 72.48 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, ugly, Yo mama
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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has 72.33 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, relationship, sex, technology
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, husband, mean, men, wife
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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has 71.97 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean
On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. "Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor. "It did," the doctor replied.
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has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, hunting, mean, time
"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" "My name is Paul."
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has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: family, mean
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
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has 71.50 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: death, dentist, life, mean, redneck
Yo mama so ugly that her mom only fed her with a sling shot.
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has 71.40 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, ugly, Yo mama