A man is in Vegas where he lost all of his money so he can't pay for a cab to return to the airport.
He sees a cab and begs the driver to give him a free ride to the airport but the cab driver declines.
The next year the man returns to Vegas and get filthy rich when he decides to leave for the airport.
There is a huge line of cabs, and at the very end of this line was the very driver who never gave him a ride the previous year.
The man walks up to the front cab "Excuse me, sir if you give me a free ride to the airport I'll let you give me a handjob."
The driver declines immediately.
The man then asks all the drivers in this line the same thing.
When he gets to the last driver, he pays the fee and the cab driver begins moving, when he moved by the line, the man puts two thumbs up through the window so all the other drivers could see.
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?"
He says, "No, our house isn't blue."
Vote:
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil.
If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
I lost 125 pounds.
It took me a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, but I finally divorced the bitch!
Q: How do you circumcise a redneck?
A: You kick his sister in the jaw.
A Jewish boy asked his father "Father, can you lend me 50 dollars?"
The father replied, "40 dollars, What do you need 30 dollars for?"
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh.
"Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid."
"Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."