The best mean jokes

I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. "We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded. I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. "I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: car, customer service, food, mean, time
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
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has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: customer service, family, mean, money, music
I lost 125 pounds. It took me a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, but I finally divorced the bitch!
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has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: divorce, mean, money, time
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
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has 71.16 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: death, dentist, life, mean, redneck
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...
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has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: Halloween, life, mean, travel, work
On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. "Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor. "It did," the doctor replied.
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, hunting, mean, time
"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" "My name is Paul."
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: family, mean
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness. He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer, mean, money, religious
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."
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has 70.45 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship, romantic, Valentines day
Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Two weeks later: Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: food, management, mean