The best mean jokes

"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me." "Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?" "Scissors," I replied.
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, wine
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
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has 72.49 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
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has 72.48 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: flirt, mean, men, women
Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas? A: My bike.
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has 72.09 % from 269 votes. More jokes about: black people, Christmas, kids, mean
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: insulting, lawyer, mean, viagra
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: air force, airplane, car, mean, work
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, money, wife, work
Yo mammas so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection said," I quit." And walked away.
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has 71.61 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, ugly, Yo mama
Two friends, Jenny and Jinny were thinking what to play during the afternoon. For a long time, they could not decide upon any game. Suddenly, Jenny had an idea. She turned to Jinny and said excitedly. "Let's play schools". "OK!" said Jinny. "But I'm going to be absent."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: friendship, game, mean, school, time
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness. He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer, mean, money, religious