The best mean jokes

On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. "Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor. "It did," the doctor replied.

"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" "My name is Paul."

My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!

A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness. He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."

Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"

A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.

Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."

The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir." "What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss. "Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"

I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. "We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded. I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. "I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."