A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
Vote:
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels.
He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it.
He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin.
Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load.
On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip.
On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath.
Nothing.
He could never find anything amiss.
After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned.
A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?"
And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."
Vote:
This woman was driving home in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
She stopped the car and asked the woman if she'd like a ride.
The woman thanked her and got in the car.
After a few minutes, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the back seat and asked the driver what was in the bag.
The driver said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman thought for a moment, then said, "Good trade."
I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
Yo mama so ugly that her mom only fed her with a sling shot.
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?"
He says, "No, our house isn't blue."
Vote:
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.