The best mean jokes

Yo mammas so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection said," I quit." And walked away.
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has 72.51 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, ugly, Yo mama
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."
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has 72.35 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship, romantic, Valentines day
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. "We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded. I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. "I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: car, customer service, food, mean, time
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
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has 71.67 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: internet, IT, kids, mean, technology
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
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has 71.35 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: customer service, family, mean, money, music
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: accountant, doctor, geography, mean
A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a lawyer are riding together on a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the best vodka out of his pack, pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In Russia, we have the best vodka in the world - nowhere in the world, you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukraine. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying this, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle through it. All the others are quite impressed. The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, unwraps one, lights it, and begins to smoke, saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Nowhere else in the world produces such a fine cigar, and we have so many of them, that we can just throw them away..." Saying that he opens the window and throws the pack of Havanas through it. Once again, everybody is quite impressed. At this point, the American stands up silently, opens the window, and throws the lawyer through it.
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has 71.12 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, ethnic, lawyer, mean, work
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
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has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: insulting, lawyer, mean, viagra
"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" "My name is Paul."
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: family, mean