The best mean jokes

Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: customer service, family, mean, money, music
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
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has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: insulting, lawyer, mean, viagra
Q: How do you circumcise a redneck? A: You kick his sister in the jaw.
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has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: family, mean, redneck
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness. He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer, mean, money, religious
Q: If Bigamy is having one wife too much, what is Monogamy? A: The Same!
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: marriage, mean, wife
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, mean, wife, women
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
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has 71.05 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: flirt, mean, men, women
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: accountant, doctor, geography, mean
A man is in Vegas where he lost all of his money so he can't pay for a cab to return to the airport. He sees a cab and begs the driver to give him a free ride to the airport but the cab driver declines. The next year the man returns to Vegas and get filthy rich when he decides to leave for the airport. There is a huge line of cabs, and at the very end of this line was the very driver who never gave him a ride the previous year. The man walks up to the front cab "Excuse me, sir if you give me a free ride to the airport I'll let you give me a handjob." The driver declines immediately. The man then asks all the drivers in this line the same thing. When he gets to the last driver, he pays the fee and the cab driver begins moving, when he moved by the line, the man puts two thumbs up through the window so all the other drivers could see.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: dirty, driving, mean, money, time
I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.
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has 70.55 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: math, mean, school