The best mean jokes

My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, relationship, sex, technology
Q: If Bigamy is having one wife too much, what is Monogamy? A: The Same!
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: marriage, mean, wife
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. "Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid." "Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: age, love, mean, wedding
Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife? A: Let him keep her!
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: mean, men, wife
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?" And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: accountant, communication, mean, time, work
A guy and a girl are roommates in college. The girl goes to a frat party, brings home another guy, fucks him, and then decides the next morning that she likes her roommate and therefore it's not going to work out. After her fling left, her roommate came up to her and: Him: "I think I found my soulmate in you..." Her: "Really?!" Him: "Yeah... uh... that guy you brought home last night?" Her: "Oh yeah. I don't care about him anymore." Him: "Great! So he's available?"
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: college, communication, gay, love, mean
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
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has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: death, dentist, life, mean, redneck
Yo mama so ugly that her mom only fed her with a sling shot.
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has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, ugly, Yo mama
My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me. She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
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has 72.07 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: fat, mean, mother in law
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. "We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded. I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. "I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: car, customer service, food, mean, time