Yo mammas so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection said," I quit."
And walked away.
Vote:
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers?
A: They grow taller!
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru.
There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window.
"We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded.
I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich.
"I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
Before the 16th century, the sun really did go around the earth.
Chuck Norris just decided to change it as a prank.
Vote:
I just had an argument with a girl I know.
She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key.
But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
That shut her up.
"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?"
"My name is Paul."
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil.
If I'm laughing, I've already done it.