The best mean jokes

A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness. He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
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has 71.35 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer, mean, money, religious
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?" And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: accountant, communication, mean, time, work
This woman was driving home in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. She stopped the car and asked the woman if she'd like a ride. The woman thanked her and got in the car. After a few minutes, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the back seat and asked the driver what was in the bag. The driver said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband." The Navajo woman thought for a moment, then said, "Good trade."
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: driving, mean, time, wine, women
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!" Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
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has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, mean, men, women
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
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has 70.90 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, religious, wife
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
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has 70.87 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: flirt, mean, men, women
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: mean, money, work
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
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has 70.74 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, game, kids, mean, Santa
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."
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has 70.69 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship, romantic, Valentines day
The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir." "What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss. "Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, management, mean, office, phone