Son: "Mom, I love you so much!" Mother: "I don't have any money, try it with your dad."
The only exercise I have done this month... is running out of money.
Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.” “Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100." The one says to the other, "should we do it?" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I'm gonna do it." So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says "well, did you get the money?" He replies "Oh that's all you people think about, isn't it?"
Why do Jews watch porn backwards? Because their favorite part is when the hooker gives the money back.
How do you find the population of Mexico? roll a penny down the street How do you find the richest person in Mexico? SEE WHO GOT THE PENNY!
I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts... she gave me change!
A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm. He asks an attorney: "If I give you $300 to help answer two legal problems I have, will you help me?" The attorney replies: "Sure, what's the other question?"
Why use Linux: No Windows, no Gates, no Bill to pay.