Yo momma so fat she could go to the desert and sells shade.
Yo momma so poor I farted in her house and she bowed her head, stomped her feet and praised the lord saying " we got heat".
A blonde and her boyfriend are going through they're daily routine in the bathroom when there's a knock at the door. The boyfriend who is in the shower tells the blonde to go answer the door. The blonde puts on a towel and goes to the door. A man is standing there, and says "Hey hun, do me a favor." "What?" askes the blonde. "Drop the towel and I'll give you $500!." replied the man. The blonde drops her towel and jiggles her tits for the man at the door. "Thanks, a ton hun, i'll catch you later" says the man and he hands her the $500. The blonde walks back smilling to her boyfriend who had just got out of the shower. As he steps out, he says "Hey hun? I just thought I'd let you know John will be stopping by to pay me back that $500 he owes me!"
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a booger, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for breakfast. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?". "No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Yo momma is so poor for Christmas she got a box, put two sticks on it, spun it and said son here's your xbox 360.
Doctor to woman: "What is the matter about your husband?" Woman: "He is worrying about MONEY." Doctor: "I think I can relieve him of that."
A blonde meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic. "Everything ok with your car now?" "Yes, thank goodness," the blonde replies. "Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?" "Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
A guy walks in the local whorehouse, says "I want the cheapest one you got, I don't have much money." The guy behind the counter says "How bout the $1.95 cent special?" The customer says "ok", and he paid, headed to the room. When he opened the door, he found this beautiful broad spread out, just waiting for him. He rips off his clothes and starts going to town on her. Suddenly, all this white stuff starts coming out of her mouth, nose, ears. He freaked, "omg she's sick." He ran to the desk and told the guy what was happe ning, and the guy says "hey Joe! The dead one's full again!"