The best money jokes

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
Vote: has 69.69 % from 127 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: medical, men, money, sex, women
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine." The doctor was very much pleased. He asked: "Did it really help you?" Patient: "It helped me wonderfully." Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?" Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
Vote: has 69.55 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, doctor, money
Yo mama so poor, when she found a penny she thought she had hit the lottery.
Vote: has 69.55 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money, Yo mama
Yo mama is so poor that when I saw her walking down the street with one shoe and said "Hey miss, lost a shoe?" She said, "Nope, just found one!"
Vote: has 69.55 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, money, Yo mama
A man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called "the George Bush Watch" and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says "you are suppose to read his lips." He then looks at a watch called the "Ross Perot Watch" and notices that it isn’t running – the sales clerk tells him "it runs, it doesn’t run, it runs, it doesn’t run..." He then notices a watch called the "Bill Clinton Watch" and sees that it runs, has hands and looks like a pretty good watch. He asks the sales clerk how much. The sales clerk replies "$19.95 plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax..."
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?" And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, food, kids, mean, money
This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."
Vote: has 69.39 % from 58 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, death, dirty, money, wife
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Vote: has 69.39 % from 58 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, democrat, funeral, money
Yo mama so poor a man broke in her house a gave her money.
Vote: has 69.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money, Yo mama
A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
Vote: has 69.29 % from 92 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, money, wife


<<<33343536
More jokes →
Page 33 of 83.