The best money jokes

A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
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More jokes about: animal, bar, disgusting, money, music
A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms. "That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk. "What are the eight cents for?" asks the blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging." "Tax," replies the clerk. "Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, drug, money, tax
A guy walks in the local whorehouse, says "I want the cheapest one you got, I don't have much money." The guy behind the counter says "How bout the $1.95 cent special?" The customer says "ok", and he paid, headed to the room. When he opened the door, he found this beautiful broad spread out, just waiting for him. He rips off his clothes and starts going to town on her. Suddenly, all this white stuff starts coming out of her mouth, nose, ears. He freaked, "omg she's sick." He ran to the desk and told the guy what was happe ning, and the guy says "hey Joe! The dead one's full again!"
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More jokes about: black humor, customer service, dirty, disgusting, money
Womens are like computer virus... they ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... when you become an old version DELET you from the system
Vote: has 64.80 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: computer, IT, life, money, women
Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine? A: They both don't work and always take your money.
Vote: has 64.79 % from 102 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, money, racist, work
What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist only takes the skin.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris doesn't need money he gets everything for free.
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What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote? One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
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A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.” He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones. He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house.”
Vote: has 64.76 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, money, women