The best money jokes

A blonde and her boyfriend are going through they're daily routine in the bathroom when there's a knock at the door. The boyfriend who is in the shower tells the blonde to go answer the door. The blonde puts on a towel and goes to the door. A man is standing there, and says "Hey hun, do me a favor." "What?" askes the blonde. "Drop the towel and I'll give you $500!." replied the man. The blonde drops her towel and jiggles her tits for the man at the door. "Thanks, a ton hun, i'll catch you later" says the man and he hands her the $500. The blonde walks back smilling to her boyfriend who had just got out of the shower. As he steps out, he says "Hey hun? I just thought I'd let you know John will be stopping by to pay me back that $500 he owes me!"
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has 68.01 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: blonde, money
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
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has 68.00 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, money, new year, political, tax
Three men discuss the Christmas presents they bought for their wives. The first man says that he bought his wife a vacation home in the Bahamas and one in Jamaica. "That way," he explains, "if she doesn't like one, she can use the other." The second man says he had bought his wife a sports car and a limo for exactly the same reason. The third man says, "I bought my wife a negligee and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the negligee, she can go screw herself."
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: money
In 1996, Florida physical therapist Paul Shimkonis sued his local nudie bar claiming whiplash from a lap dancer's large breasts. Shimkonis felt he suffered physical harm and mental anguish from the breasts, which he claimed felt like "cement blocks" hitting him. Shimkonis sought justice in the amount of $15,000, which was denied.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: health, life, money
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: bible, death, money
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife made a wish too, but she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"
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has 67.72 % from 1220 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, money, wife, work
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
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has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: accountant, life, money, tax
The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: money
A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: money, relationship
"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, money, wedding
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