The best money jokes

An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip. He notices there a machine with the indication: "Put A Dollar in the Slot and the Machine will Tell you who you are!" Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and he waits. The machine suddenly sounds; "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago." The man blacked out with the machine's ability. So, he decided to trick the machine. He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot. "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago," says the machine. "But it's impossible!" screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine. He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab. Then, he did the same routine. "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago." Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot. -You're John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your bullshits you.. lost the train!
Vote:
has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, travel
Robert came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', Asked Robert. 'I'm going to Nairobi', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get 4000 a night for what I give you for free! 'Robert said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. 'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife. Robert said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on 8000 a year!'
Vote:
has 68.54 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: money, sex, travel, wife, work
This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."
Vote:
has 68.50 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: car, death, dirty, money, wife
Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
Vote:
has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, money
Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
Vote:
has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life, management, money, wife
Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. "It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.'
Vote:
has 68.26 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: money
Yo Momma is so poor when her friend came over to use the bathroom she said ok, choose a corner.
Vote:
has 68.26 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, Yo mama
In Heaven: The cooks are French, The policemen are English, The mechanics are German, The lovers are Greek, The bankers are Swiss. In Hell: The cooks are English, The policemen are German, The mechanics are French, The lovers are Swiss, The bankers are Greek.
Vote:
has 68.25 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, heaven, money, racist
Yo mama so poor a man broke in her house a gave her money.
Vote:
has 68.14 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: money, Yo mama
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
Vote:
has 67.98 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, dog, math, money
<<<34353637
More jokes →
Page 34 of 84.