The best money jokes

If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?
Vote: has 64.05 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, relationship
The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, money, wine
Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, phone, Yo mama
After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse. He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left. He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life. Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
Vote: has 63.30 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, blonde, disgusting, life, money
Yo mama so poor she bragged about the time she almost ate at a restaraunt.
Vote: has 63.26 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, insulting, money, Yo mama
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food, money
Yo' Mama is so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, money, Yo mama
An FBI agent was interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?" asks the agent. "Yes," replied the teller. "He was better dressed each time."
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, money
Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, lawyer, money