The best money jokes

Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, "I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition." "The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance,'What's your condition?" Phil answered, "Tell me your wish in just three words." There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "Clean my house."
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, money, women
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00? The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
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has 67.76 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, money, nurse
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
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has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, food, money
Yo mama so poor a man broke in her house a gave her money.
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has 67.69 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: money, Yo mama
A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.” So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks. The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.”
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, money, wife
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: accountant, life, money, tax
Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill." Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: doctor, money
Yo mama so poor I sat on the garbage can and she said get off from my roof.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: money, Yo mama
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, money
When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health, money
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