Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine." The doctor was very much pleased. He asked: "Did it really help you?" Patient: "It helped me wonderfully." Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?" Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
Yo mama so poor she bragged about the time she almost ate at a restaraunt.
What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist only takes the skin.
Chuck Norris can pick "side" when flipping a coin.
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day? A forty-carrot wedding ring.
Father's Day always worried James. He was afraid that he will get a gift he can't afford.
The economy got very bad in 2008. I saw a pimp driving a beat up old Volkswagon.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks. "Yes," she purrs. "I am." "Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"