The best money jokes

Little Johnny was in church, getting restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Not able to take it anymore, he leaned over to his father and whispered, "Hey, Dad, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
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More jokes about: church, dad, little Johnny, money, priest
Yo mama so poor she bragged about the time she almost ate at a restaraunt.
Vote: has 66.21 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, insulting, money, Yo mama
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
Vote: has 65.93 % from 99 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, disgusting, money, music
Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."
Vote: has 65.88 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, money
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He saw his gas bill.
Vote: has 65.86 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, jewish, money, morbid
Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.
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More jokes about: money, phone, Yo mama
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
Vote: has 65.53 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, blonde, dog, math, money
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, political, weather
Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat? A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: democrat, money, political, tax
Yo mama's so poor, I was driving with her and she parked next to a garbage can. I asked, "What're you doing?" She said: "I'm booking us a hotel!"
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: driving, money, travel, Yo mama