The best money jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't need money he gets everything for free.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
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Happy Father's Day! I got you a present but if you want to get technical then technically you bought it. By the way, can I borrow $20?
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Why are black people & vending machines the same? Because they both don't work & they both steal your money.
Vote: has 66.63 % from 108 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, money, racist, work
Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence. "You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer. "All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."
Vote: has 66.62 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

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Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, life, money, time
A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, health, money
Q: Would you burn your education certificate for 50 million us dollars? Me: I will burn my certificate, I will burn the school, the nearby schools and even the ministry of education I will also burn all the textbooks.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, school, student
Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, money, technology
An atheist buys an Ancient Roman Catholic lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, "I'll grant you three wishes, Master." The atheist says, "I wish I could believe in you." The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him. The atheist says, "Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this." The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. "What about your third wish?" asks the genie. "Well," says the atheist, "I wish for a billion dollars." The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. "What's wrong?" asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, "Just because you believe in me, doesn't necessarily mean that I really exist."
Vote: has 66.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, genie, money