The best money jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, her bathroom consists of a tin can and a pile of leaves.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, money, Yo mama
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for breakfast. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?". "No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
Vote: has 65.27 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: ginger, life, money, women
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity. "First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..." "I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money." The Lawyer funny responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, hospital, lawyer, money
The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: hospital, memory, money
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks. "Yes," she purrs. "I am." "Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
Vote: has 65.14 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, bartender, dirty, food, money
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
Vote: has 65.12 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time
Yo' Mama is so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.
Vote: has 65.02 % from 5 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bird, insulting, money, Yo mama
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Vote: has 64.93 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, democrat, funeral, money
Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and under budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards: Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December and... Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible.And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We await your direction.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, management, money, time