Signs You're No Longer in College...
You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close.
Your potted plants stay alive.
You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill.
Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces.
You attend parties that the police don't raid.
You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking.
You refer to college students as "those kids."
You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza.
At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out.
Naps are no longer weekday options.
Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy.
Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips.
You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.
A worker goes to his boss and says, ‘You have to give me a raise.
There are three other companies after me.’
‘Is that so?’ says the manager.
‘And what companies are those?’
The worker replies, ‘The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.’
Your families are extremely proud of you.
You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing.
This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
How do you start a Jewish parade?
Throw a penny down main street.
All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in effort to save company dollars.
One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods which could be used to defray
travel expenses.
In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage.
Small plastic roses and ball point pens will also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.
A husband and wife are having financial troubles.
They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash.
The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later.
She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !"
"What jerk gave you 50 cents?" he asks.
"All of them!"
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator.
On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."
On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."
The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."
A man goes to a bar says, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!"
Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man it seems i forgot my wallet.
The barman kicks him in the guts and throws him out.
The next day the man comes again, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!"
Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man i don't have any money on me.
The barman hits him in the face with bar stool brakes his leg and throws him out.
The following day the man comes to the bar again, "Barman drinks on me for the owner and everybody else in here!"
Barman says, "What am not getting a free drink tonight?"
"Sorry man but you get violent when you drink."