Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill." Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat? A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
Yo momma so fat she could go to the desert and sells shade.
I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there.
Your mom is so stupid she thought Nickelback was a refund.
Yo mama so poor I sat on the garbage can and she said get off from my roof.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.