Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.” The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.” The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.” The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?” The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!” He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?” The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”
Yo mama so poor, when she found a penny she thought she had hit the lottery.
Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A: A tea party.
There was a fire at the local tax office but the fire brigade managed to put it out before any serious good was done.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she rolls her own tampons.
What do cows get when they do all their chores? Mooney.
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. “My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”
Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup. A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?" And the man said, "Where do get coffee for 3 cents?" And the beggar said, "Who buys retail?"