The best money jokes

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck.
Vote: has 49.79 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, money
Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, money, wife
A guy's walking along the beach and he finds a magic lamp. He rubs it and two blonde genies come out. They tell him they'll grant him any three wishes he wants. So he makes his wishes... he wakes up in bed with 50 of the most beautiful women he's ever seen and he'd just made love to all of them. Then he walks outta the bed and opens a treasure chest filled with more money than you could ever imagine... then two KKK members come riding in on horses, throw a noose over a tree and hang him... The KKK members take off their masks and its the two blonde genies one of them says to the other: "I can understand why he wanted to sleep with all the women, I know why he wanted a chest full of money... but I can't figure out why the hell he would wanna be hung like a nigger..."
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, blonde, genie, love, money
Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can rent it for a couple of hours.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
A young woman walks into a bank to withdraw some money. ‘Can you identify yourself?’ asked the bank clerk. The young woman opens her handbag, takes out a mirror, looks into it and says, ‘Yes, it’s me all right.’
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.’
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something amazing you've never seen before?" The bartender says, "sure, but it'd better be good." The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He sets the hamster down on the bar, and the hamster runs along the bar, jumps off the end, turns a somersault in midair and lands on the piano. He the proceeds to play the piano beautifully. The bartender says, "Wow! That was incredible! Have a beer." The man finishes his beer and says to the bartender, "hey, if I show you something else amazing that you've never seen before, will you give me another free beer?" "If it's as amazing as the hamster, sure," the bartender replies. So the man reaches back into his coat pocket, and pulls out a frog. He sets the frog down on the bar, and the frog begins to sing beautifully. The bartender is again amazed, and gets the man another beer. As the man is drinking his beer, another man rushes over and says "Holy shit, a singing frog! I'll give you $200 for that frog." The first man says "Deal!" and sells him the frog. The bartender walks over and says, "not that it's my business, but that was a singing frog, for heaven's sake. Why would you sell it for only $200? You could have made millions off of it." The man says, "nah, don't worry. The hamster's also a ventriloquist."
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer, money
That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing. I told you he was a bum steer.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, money