The best money jokes

After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse. He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left. He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life. Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
Vote: has 62.37 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, blonde, disgusting, life, money
When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, family, geography, life, money
I bought a Jewish sports car. Not only will it stop on a dime, it will pick it up too. I've heard they're gas guzzlers though.
Vote: has 62.14 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, jewish, money
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks. ''What's your name?'' The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?'' ''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.'' The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?'' The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.'' ''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?'' ''Yeah, he's my dad.'' ''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?'' The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?'' The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.'' ''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.'' The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.'' The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
Vote: has 61.71 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, celebrity, money, music
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
Vote: has 61.71 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, dirty, flirt, money, sex
Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money
Yo mommas so poor the roaches pay the light bill!
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More jokes about: money, Yo mama
Q: Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollars bill who gets it?? A: No one the first four doesn't exist and the other blonde thought it was a gum wrapper!
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, easter, money, Santa, stupid
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Vote: has 61.50 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: chemistry, divorce, money
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
Vote: has 61.48 % from 78 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, jewish, money


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