The best money jokes

Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He saw his gas bill.
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has 62.15 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, jewish, money, morbid
Q: What is a Democratic Free Market? A: One that hands out slices of cheese.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: democrat, food, money, political
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a booger, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"
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has 62.10 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: god, insulting, money, Yo mama
A old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $3.95 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service. “There is no hurry,” she told the clerk, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.” He glanced at her and said, “That will be $3.95, please.”
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: money, old people
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks. ''What's your name?'' The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?'' ''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.'' The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?'' The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.'' ''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?'' ''Yeah, he's my dad.'' ''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?'' The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?'' The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.'' ''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.'' The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.'' The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, money, music
‘If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?’ Steven Wright
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: money
Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: money
Yo mommas so poor the roaches pay the light bill!
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: money, Yo mama
A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.” He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones. He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house.”
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, money, women
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. "I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, money, technology
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