Q: When do Democrats like the idea of a flat tax?
A: After it reaches 95%
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language.
For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.
Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.
Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.
The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
Our body cells renew while asleep.
If only our wallets could do the same.
Yo' mama so poor, she fills her ice trays with toilet water!
Yo' Mama is so poor, her bathroom consists of a tin can and a pile of leaves.
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette?
He didn't have enough money tabaccer!
After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
Q: What is a Democratic Free Market?
A: One that hands out slices of cheese.
A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun.
"Your money or your life!" says the mugger.
"I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.