The best money jokes

The first paper money press was invented when Chuck Norris drew a design under his boot and stepped on a tree.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, money
Signs You're No Longer in College... You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close. Your potted plants stay alive. You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill. Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces. You attend parties that the police don't raid. You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking. You refer to college students as "those kids." You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza. At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out. Naps are no longer weekday options. Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy. Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips. You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.
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has 58.98 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: college, divorce, food, marriage, money
After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
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has 58.87 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: game, money, women
A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: life, money, work
Yo momma is so poor for Christmas she got a box, put two sticks on it, spun it and said son here's your xbox 360.
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, game, money, Yo mama
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: husband, money, wife
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money
Man, to friend, ‘A thief has stolen my wife’s credit card. Last month he ran up a bill of over a thousand pounds.’ ‘That’s terrible,’ says the friend. ‘You should report this thief to the police.’ ‘I would,’ says the man. ‘But at the moment he’s spending less than my wife does.’
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He only brought enough money for one beer though. As hes drinking his beer, which was quite expensive, he realizes how bad he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting anyone to drink his expensive beer, he takes out a 3x5 note card and writes on it, "I SPIT IN THIS BEER", and walks to the bathroom. When he comes back about 15 minutes later, theres another 3x5 note card next to his beer saying, "I SPIT IN IT TOO".
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer, money, time
A man has visited a fortune teller because he wanted to know his future. The fortune teller has taken a look at him from his head to his toes and has said: "you will be not rich because you have a very small ass and with such an ass it is not possible to sit on two seats."
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: mean, money, time, vulgar, work
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