The best morbid jokes

Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, food, morbid
Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour? A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one rubbish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 rubbish bins.
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, kids, morbid
What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
Vote: has 61.49 % from 167 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, morbid
Roses are red tulips are black. You'd look great with a knife in your back.
Vote: has 61.35 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, morbid, poems
Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined? A: For buttering up her clients.
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, morbid, tax
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, light bulb, morbid
An alien lord lands in the middle of the desert and demands to see the ruler of all this planet and make it bow to his will, except he made two grave mistakes, first he landed in the middle of the desert, in the middle of the night and second he didn't know anything about the inhabitants. So he approaches the first life form he finds which was a gas pump and demands it to take him to the leader. Well it's a gas pump so it doesn't say anything obviously, getting aggravated he demands again but this time pulls his laser pistol and says "This is the last time I ask earthling!" Just then his general whispers to him "Hey calm down buddy don't mess with this guy, he's a badass motherfucker". Shrugging off his comrade he furiously demands a response and after brief moments of silence, he blasts the pump and BOOM! A huge explosion occurs and they land a mile away. As they sit there dusting themselves off the alien lord looks at the general and asks "We have conquered the cosmos and all sorts of life forms, I've never seen you sweat in the face of an adversary, how did you know this guy was such a badass motherfucker?" The general looks over and says "Man if you could wrap your dick around your body 3 times and then plug it in your ear, you are a badass motherfucker."
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, desert island, life, morbid, vulgar
Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, masturbation, morbid
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Vote: has 57.59 % from 107 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, desert island, morbid, navy, sex
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup? A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
Vote: has 57.52 % from 112 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, morbid