Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family. "I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one. "That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"
A presser in a tailor shop arrived one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring. One of the tailors noticed the sparkler and asked about it. "My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!
I haven't spoken to the mother in law for 6 months now... apparently, it's rude to interrupt!
My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me. She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
I really do have a soft spot for my MIL. It's out in the garden behind the garage.
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word "Mother-in-law" you get the words "Woman Hitler".
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!
Knock-knock Who is there? A shattered penis with many diseases. What kind of illness? Gall, Aids, Gonorrhea, Syphilis... Enough, it is the best present for my mother in law.
One night my mother in law came to our home. In the middle of the night suddenly I was awakened by a horrible sound from WC. She farted. I was so angry that shouted and said: "Your food is under your feet and your weapons are complete get out and go to fight with ISIS!"
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."