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"Johny, what is the difference between being sober and being drunken?" Johny: "When I was drunk I didn't need to buy a ticket to the carousel." "Ok, and when you were sober and wanted to go to the carousel what has happened then?" "The carousel man needed to center the whole carousel, of course. The left half of the carousel was for me and the right one for all the small children."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: drunk, kids, little Johnny
A student visits the principal's office The principal asks: "What is your name?" The student replies: "D-d-d-dav-dav-david." The principal asks: "Do you have a stutter?" Student answers: "No, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was an asshole."
Vote: has 70.43 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: school, student
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Vote: has 61.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, travel, women
Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
Vote: has 74.21 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, kids, ugly
I follow CIA on Twitter just so they can see how it feels.
Vote: has 78.59 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: internet, military
What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer? A lot of bites.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dog, IT
Three guys are stuck on a deserted island when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. He picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pop out. The genie looks at the three guys and says: "I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish."Well, the first guy is sick and tired of being on the island, so he wishes to go back home. POOF!He disappears. The second one said he, too, is tired of the island and wishes to go home. POOF!He too disappears. The genie then turns to the last guy and asks him what his wish is."Gee," he says," I'm awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here!"
Vote: has 59.41 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: desert island, friendship, genie, stupid
A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island. After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Cindy Crawford. They build a lean-to and find some food and water. After a few weeks, it becomes clear that help is not on the way, so they start to get intimate. The guy is clearly ecstatic for a couple of weeks, but one morning she awakes to find him moping under a tree. "What's the matter?" Cindy says: "Is there anything I can do?" "Well, I am a little shy about asking you," he replies: "But could you take some of that charcoal from the fire and paint a mustache on your face?" "A mustache? Well... I... I suppose so", and she does it. "Now, there's just one other thing. Can I call you Bob... like my friend?" "Bob? Well... if it will make you feel better... all right." "Great!" he cries, looks at her and says: "Bob! You're never gonna believe who I'm fucking!"
Vote: has 67.52 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: desert island, friendship, sex, time, travel
Yo mama is so poor that your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF.
Vote: has 53.25 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money, technology, Yo mama
Yo mama is so poor that she washes paper plates.
Vote: has 59.41 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, money, Yo mama


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