Him: "Do you have a flat stomach?"
Me: "Yeah, but the L is silent.
A 67 year old Billionaire from Yorkshire marries a 26 year old woman and takes her down the pub to introduce to his mates...
When his mates see him walk through the door with his new wife they can't believe their eyes.
"By eck old lad! How av you managed to pull a reyt nice lass like her?"
The Yorkshireman replies, "It was easy! I gave her a bit of the old Yorkshire charm and then just lied about my age as well."
"Ah I see, so you told her you was fotty?" Asks his friend.
"No ya daft bugger! I told her I was 90!"
Vote:
A programmer went to the store to buy milk.
His partner said, "While you're there, buy eggs."
The programmer never returned.
Vote:
The neighbor from below told me that If I flood him once again, he will rape me.
So I turn on the water. I sit and wait.
Genie: I will grant you two wishes.
Guy: two? It's always three, right?
Genie: look at your crotch.
Guy: Damn, that's a huge dick that I have now.
Genie: I've been doing this for centuries. I know my business.
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini.
I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!"
He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year".
I'm like happy meal.
"Coz you are small and pretty?"
"No, coz I always c*m with a toy inside.
A: "What is your biggest fear?"
B: "Being forgotten, what's yours?"
B: "Hello"
B: "?"
Vote:
We're watching Shrek as a family and at the moment when Fiona turned from a woman into an ogre, my 2yo pointed to the TV and said "now she's a mom."
Wife: I want to donate my clothes to people who are starving.
Husband: Anyone who fits into your clothes is surely not starving.
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