Is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon.
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Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?" Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."
The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir." "What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss. "Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"
Q: What do ghosts use to phone home? A: A terror-phone.
Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.
Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news." "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it." "What's the good news?" "Your cholesterol is 130."
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help," she said. "Sure, it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "Marc, with a C." Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
Do you work at a cattery? Because I wanna be covered in pussy.