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The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't had one. Never." "Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
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More jokes about: animal, cowboy, life, stupid
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised? A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, men, sex, stupid, women
Yo mama is so stupid that when she got on a motorcycle she didn't know how to open the window.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, stupid, Yo mama
I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, kids, time, wine
I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, wine
A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name and looked it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute!" That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?" St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."
Vote: has 80.46 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: christian, death, lawyer, life, mean
A little old lady went to the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 A.M., the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet" "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 A.M. today, I'd have the Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, game, lawyer, money, old people
It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cat, communication, dirty, sex
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: flirt, food, romantic, time



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