I have a scary joke about math but im 2² to say it.
Top 3 situations that require witnesses:
1. Crimes
2. Accidents
3. Marriages
Need I say more?
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he doesn't want to appear insensitive, he also doesn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says: "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl..."
Girl: "Girls are better than boys."
Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"
Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?
They lived hoppily ever after.
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree.
That makes it a plant.
Therefore, chocolate is salad.
Happy Easter!
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
Wife: "I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad."
Wife: "No, you are not."
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