Drinking all day at a bar a man stumbles to the restroom to throw up. He doesn't make it in time and pukes all over the front of his shirt. As the drunk returned to the bar the bartender asks: "what the hell happened?" The drunk is very upset explaining to the bartender: "my wife gonna be pissed off! She just got me this shirt as an anniversary gift. Soon as she sees puke all over it, she will be shitty!" The bartender, being helpful says: "I got an idea. Why don't you put a $10 bill in the front shirt pocket and when she notices the puke you can say you drove a drunk fella home from the bar and during the drive, he got sick and puked all over the front of your new shirt?" Naturally, the guy felt bad so he gave you the $10 so you could have it cleaned. The drunk looked at the bartender a moment, thinking it over. "That's a great idea, the drunk slurs. Thank you." And the drunk left. When the drunk walked in the front door of his home there stood his wife to greet him. She hugged him and said: "oh my lord Frank, what happened to your new shirt?" He explained: "I drove a drunk fella home from the bar and he puked all over the front of my shirt, patting the pocket, and gave me $10 to get it cleaned." The wife reaches in and pulls the cash from the pocket. "But Frank," the wife says, "there is $20 here." Frank replies, "oh, I forgot to mention, he shit in my pants too."
Q: Who invented viagra? A: Mr Hardick of course!
Roses are red violets are blue, I have never tried So can I stick it up you?
Chuck Norris watched the tape from The Ring. His phone rang and when he answered a scared voice said "Excuse me, the wrong number"
Q: Why do C# programmers have trouble dating women? A: They want women with class, but they treat them like objects.
Q: What did Jesus tell the Mexicans just before he died? A: Act stupid until I get back.
Q: What is the first symptom of AIDS? A: A sharp pain in the ass.
Camilla goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, whenever one sucks Charlie's cock one gets a stomach ache." The doctor says "Have you tried Andrew's?"
Q: How does Jesus celebrate Easter? A: He gets a manicure, pedicure, and has his nails polished.
An elderly black man goes to see his doctor for help with his sexual performance issues. The doctor explains that Viagra isn't going to work this time. The man goes back to the doctor a month later for a follow-up. This time he is wearing a new tuxedo, shined shoes, and a top-hat. The doctor is impressed and asks what the occasion is. The old man says, "If I'm gonna be impotent I'm gonna look impotent!"
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