The best phone jokes

A guy tells his friends: The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more
Vote: has 74.05 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dating, IT, phone, technology
Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.
Vote: has 73.13 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, Chuck Norris, phone, travel
When Bell invented the telephone, there were already three Chuck Noris missed calls.
Vote: has 72.83 % from 130 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. Wing, Wing, Halo
Vote: has 72.33 % from 69 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, racist
Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth? A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: hipster, phone
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, cop, death, phone
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him. The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, phone
H - "Hello?" W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" H - "Yes." W - "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?" H - "What's the price?" W - "Only $1,500.00." H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..." W - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." H-"What price did he quote you?" W - "Only $60,000..." H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..." H - "What?" W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property." H - "How much are they asking?" W - "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..." H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?" W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" H - "Bye...I love u too..." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
Vote: has 71.27 % from 1431 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, marriage, money, phone
What do you call a Scottish iPhone? An AyePhone.
Vote: has 70.92 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, phone
One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister’s room. She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend. “Your such an as***!” and she hung up. Suzie asked what as*** had meant and her sister sayin “Uh… it means… uhh.. boyfriend!”. Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word. Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving. Her dad had cut himself and yelled “SHIT!” Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shit means. Dad, being quite shocked answered “It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream.” Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey. Suzie’s dad’s boss was coming to dinner tonight. When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled”F***k!”. Suzie asked what f***k meant and mom replied ” it..it..it uummm…it means cut… yeah, cut.” Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it. When Suzie opened the door, her dad’s boss was standing there. Boss asked” Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is? ”Then Suzie said” Well, my sister’s upstairs talking to her as*** on the phone, my dad’s in the bathroom wiping the shit off his face and my mom’s in the kitchen f***g the turkey!”
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, food, kids, phone