The best phone jokes

Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting. Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.” So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him. Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.” The others nod and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping. He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.” So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air. When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.” The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."
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Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.
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According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating? Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
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If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception.
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The real reason that Oprah is ending her show on television is that Chuck phoned and said "That's enough!"
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Chuck Norris doesn't need a case for his phone. The ground is afraid to break it.
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If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could rob a bank. By phone.
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The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?" "Yes. What can we do for you?" "I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding cocaine in his firewood." "Thank you, this will be noted." Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no cocaine, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom’s house. "Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood for you?" "Yeah, they did." "Okay, now it’s YOUR turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
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More jokes about: cop, drug, phone
Yo mamma so fat when she looked at the scale she yelled, "Thats not my weight, thats my phone number!"
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A guy asks a Chinese lady for her phone number she says, "Free, sex, free, sex, tonight." The guy said," wow" and her friend says she means 363629.
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More jokes about: asian, communication, ethnic, phone, women