The best phone jokes

One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister’s room. She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend. “Your such an as***!” and she hung up. Suzie asked what as*** had meant and her sister sayin “Uh… it means… uhh.. boyfriend!”. Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word. Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving. Her dad had cut himself and yelled “SHIT!” Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shit means. Dad, being quite shocked answered “It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream.” Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey. Suzie’s dad’s boss was coming to dinner tonight. When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled”F***k!”. Suzie asked what f***k meant and mom replied ” it..it..it uummm…it means cut… yeah, cut.” Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it. When Suzie opened the door, her dad’s boss was standing there. Boss asked” Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is? ”Then Suzie said” Well, my sister’s upstairs talking to her as*** on the phone, my dad’s in the bathroom wiping the shit off his face and my mom’s in the kitchen f***g the turkey!”
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, food, kids, phone
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she gave me an ear infection over the phone.
Vote: has 66.88 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, phone, Yo mama
Chuck Norris doesn't need a case for his phone. The ground is afraid to break it.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Q: How many Ethiopians can you fit into a telephone booth? A: All of them.
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, phone, racist
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting. Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.” So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him. Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.” The others nod and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping. He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.” So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air. When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.” The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."
Vote: has 65.86 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, celebrity, fart, IT, phone
The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?" "Yes. What can we do for you?" "I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding cocaine in his firewood." "Thank you, this will be noted." Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no cocaine, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom’s house. "Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood for you?" "Yeah, they did." "Okay, now it’s YOUR turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Vote: has 65.57 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, drug, phone
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.
Vote: has 65.22 % from 547 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, sex, wife
If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
The real reason that Oprah is ending her show on television is that Chuck phoned and said "That's enough!"
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could rob a bank. By phone.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone