The best phone jokes

Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him.
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab." He popped into a phone booth near  the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.  He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, "What the heck, I'll give her a call." "Hello," the woman says. She sounded sexy.  "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks... We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?" She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
Vote: has 75.39 % from 217 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, phone, sex
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: air force, computer, money, phone, wife
Yo Mommas so stupid she got lost in a telephone booth.
Vote: has 74.81 % from 81 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, stupid, Yo mama
Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, phone
What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. Wing, Wing, Halo
Vote: has 74.72 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, racist
Why is Apple offering a free case for all iPhone 6 buyers? It doesn't help with reception, but protects the iPhone when you throw it against the wall after dropping another call!
Vote: has 74.21 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, phone
Chuck Norris can answer a missed call.
Vote: has 74.14 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, cop, death, phone
Chuck Norris keeps a list of all his victims, it's called the phone book.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone