The best phone jokes

I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, "I have a new obstetrician."
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: customer service, doctor, phone, time
Yo mamma so stupid she tried to eat her iPhone because it had an apple on it!
Vote: has 77.50 % from 138 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, stupid, Yo mama
A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside and yells, "Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!" Someone else yells, "Call 911!" The blonde yells back, "What's the number?"
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, phone, stupid
Your momma so fat when she step on the scales her phone number came up.
Vote: has 76.57 % from 456 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
Vote: has 76.11 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, phone
A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab." He popped into a phone booth near  the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.  He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, "What the heck, I'll give her a call." "Hello," the woman says. She sounded sexy.  "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks... We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?" She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
Vote: has 76.07 % from 228 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, phone, sex
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, doctor, husband, phone, stupid
There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children. We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt. When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?" My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone. "We'll go in the limousine dummy."
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, family, funeral, kids, phone
What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. Wing, Wing, Halo
Vote: has 75.42 % from 107 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, racist
My iPhone fell from the 20th floor. Good thing it was in airplane mode.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, technology