One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.
The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one.
The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?"
The assistant says, "$2000."
The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive.
The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast."
"What about the green one?" the man asks.
The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes."
"What about the red one?" the man asks.
The assistant says, "That one's $10,000."
The man says, "What does HE do?"
The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."
Three blondes are stranded on an island.
A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish.
So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army.
The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off.
The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes her hair color to black and she says,"Let's go over the bridge."
Vote:
If you drop your phone in water, put it in a bowl of rice.
Overnight an Asian will come to your house, fix the phone, eat the rice and then run away.
Vote:
Your momma so fat when she step on the scales her phone number came up.
My iPhone fell from the 20th floor.
Good thing it was in airplane mode.
Vote:
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.
If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
A guy asks a Chinese lady for her phone number she says, "Free, sex, free, sex, tonight."
The guy said," wow" and her friend says she means 363629.
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
A blonde's house is on fire.
She runs outside and yells, "Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"
Someone else yells, "Call 911!"
The blonde yells back, "What's the number?"
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!"
After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."