Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him.
A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab." He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, "What the heck, I'll give her a call." "Hello," the woman says. She sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks... We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?" She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.
Yo Mommas so stupid she got lost in a telephone booth.
Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. Wing, Wing, Halo
Why is Apple offering a free case for all iPhone 6 buyers? It doesn't help with reception, but protects the iPhone when you throw it against the wall after dropping another call!
Chuck Norris can answer a missed call.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
Chuck Norris keeps a list of all his victims, it's called the phone book.