The best phone jokes

Phones are getting thinner and smarter. People, not so much.
Vote: has 78.03 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, phone, stupid, technology
A lawyer has just settled down in his new office. So now, he is thinking what he can do to have clients. After a long time thinking, a man comes into the office. Right away, the lawyer decides to make his new plan take action. So he picks up the phone and says: "Unfortunately, Ms. Onassis, I cannot undertake your case right now. I am working full time, call me in a month to see if I can help you." He puts the phone down and says to the waiting man: "How can I help you sir?" "Nothing really, I am from telephone communications, I just came to connect your phone."
Vote: has 77.88 % from 60 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, lawyer, office, phone, work
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
Vote: has 77.50 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, fitness, phone
What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. Wing, Wing, Halo
Vote: has 77.19 % from 131 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: phone, racist
A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab." He popped into a phone booth near  the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.  He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, "What the heck, I'll give her a call." "Hello," the woman says. She sounded sexy.  "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks... We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?" She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
Vote: has 77.04 % from 238 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, phone, sex
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: air force, computer, money, phone, wife
Your momma so fat when she step on the scales her phone number came up.
Vote: has 75.98 % from 507 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
My iPhone fell from the 20th floor. Good thing it was in airplane mode.
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: phone, technology
Chuck Norris can text using a rotary phone.
Vote: has 75.62 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Yo mamma so stupid she tried to eat her iPhone because it had an apple on it!
Vote: has 74.74 % from 176 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: phone, stupid, Yo mama


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