The best phone jokes

Me using the Siri app on my iPhone: Me: "Siri, call my wife." Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts." Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife." Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife." Me: "Call my wife." Siri: "Which wife?"
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has 76.22 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: communication, phone, stupid, technology, wife
Phones are getting thinner and smarter. People, not so much.
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has 75.92 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: fat, phone, stupid, technology
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. Wife: 'What are you doing dear?' Husband: 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' Wife: 'How on earth do you know which gender they were?' Husband: 'Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone.'
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has 75.57 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: beer, husband, old people, phone, wife
Your momma so fat when she step on the scales her phone number came up.
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has 75.42 % from 543 votes. More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. Wing, Wing, Halo
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has 75.12 % from 219 votes. More jokes about: phone, racist
"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sex?" "Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.
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has 74.89 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: communication, phone, sex, wife
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?" The assistant says, "$2000." The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast." "What about the green one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes." "What about the red one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "That one's $10,000." The man says, "What does HE do?" The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."
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has 74.50 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: animal, money, parrot, phone
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, phone, time, work
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
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has 74.33 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: fat, fitness, phone
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
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has 74.15 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, friendship, phone, sex
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