The best phone jokes

What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. Wing, Wing, Halo
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has 77.18 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: phone, racist
A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab." He popped into a phone booth near  the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.  He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, "What the heck, I'll give her a call." "Hello," the woman says. She sounded sexy.  "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks... We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?" She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
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has 77.13 % from 239 votes. More jokes about: car, phone, sex
The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was. "Ma'am", said the employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered 'til Sunday." There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition. "So that's why no one was in church today."
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: church, customer service, old people, phone
A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang. It was her husband, urgently warning her, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!” “It’s not just one car!” said the blonde. “There’s f*ck*ng hundreds of them!”
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has 76.11 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, husband, phone
Your momma so fat when she step on the scales her phone number came up.
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has 76.03 % from 517 votes. More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
If you drop your phone in water, put it in a bowl of rice. Overnight an Asian will come to your house, fix the phone, eat the rice and then run away.
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has 75.64 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: asian, phone, technology
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: baby, doctor, husband, phone, stupid
Phones are getting thinner and smarter. People, not so much.
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: fat, phone, stupid, technology
Yo mamma so stupid she tried to eat her iPhone because it had an apple on it!
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has 75.09 % from 192 votes. More jokes about: phone, stupid, Yo mama
Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
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