The best phone jokes

911 calls Chuck Norris for emergency.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows. "I'm getting a fax," he explains.
Vote: has 68.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, phone, technology
Chuck Norris doesn't need a case for his phone. The ground is afraid to break it.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren't. Look at their oddball requests: A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody's yard. A patron wanted me to find a book to teach her dog german. A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck. A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn't at work.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, dog, money, phone, work
When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating? Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, celebrity, IT, phone, technology
Police Officer says "We'll never forget 9/11..." In my mind: "I hope not It's your damn number!"
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, history, memory, phone, stupid
One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister’s room. She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend. “Your such an as***!” and she hung up. Suzie asked what as*** had meant and her sister sayin “Uh… it means… uhh.. boyfriend!”. Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word. Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving. Her dad had cut himself and yelled “SHIT!” Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shit means. Dad, being quite shocked answered “It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream.” Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey. Suzie’s dad’s boss was coming to dinner tonight. When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled”F***k!”. Suzie asked what f***k meant and mom replied ” it..it..it uummm…it means cut… yeah, cut.” Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it. When Suzie opened the door, her dad’s boss was standing there. Boss asked” Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is? ”Then Suzie said” Well, my sister’s upstairs talking to her as*** on the phone, my dad’s in the bathroom wiping the shit off his face and my mom’s in the kitchen f***g the turkey!”
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, food, kids, phone
A guy asks a Chinese lady for her phone number she says, "Free, sex, free, sex, tonight." The guy said," wow" and her friend says she means 363629.
Vote: has 67.29 % from 79 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, communication, ethnic, phone, women
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone