The best phone jokes

Jimmy is calling Sergey, who he met at an international conference. Jimmy: "Hi, I've hear there is minus 54 degrees Celsius." Sergey: "Nonsense, not even minus 15!" Jimmy: "But on CNN, they've just shown a thermometer..." Sergey: "Ohh, ok, maybe outside."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, technology, winter, work
Yo mamma so fat when she looked at the scale she yelled, "Thats not my weight, thats my phone number!"
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, phone, Yo mama
Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot." The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices." The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid." The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'" Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'" Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"
Vote: has 63.85 % from 377 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: couple, holiday, marriage, nurse, phone
A guy asks a Chinese lady for her phone number she says, "Free, sex, free, sex, tonight." The guy said," wow" and her friend says she means 363629.
Vote: has 63.79 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, communication, ethnic, phone, women
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he opened the door a truck came roaring past and completely tore off the driver’s door of the Lexus. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. When a policeman arrived, the lawyer was still screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust. "I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Didn’t you notice that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." The lawyer looked down to his left side and let out a terrible scream: "Oh my God!… MY ROLEX!"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, cop, god, lawyer, phone
Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, phone, Yo mama
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
Vote: has 63.57 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, sex, Yo mama
Yo momma so fat when she stepped on the scale it came up with my phone number.
Vote: has 63.07 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure began when Chuck Norris arrived from the future and roundhouse kicked that phone booth into the past.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone