The best phone jokes

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: Because she couldn't find the 11
Vote: has 70.72 % from 200 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, math, phone
One day two girls were trying out for the school cheerleading squad. One was a blonde and one was a brunette. After they both had tryouts, they went home to wait until the results were posted. The blonde goes to see if she made it that night. Once she found out she made it she got out her cell phone and called the brunette, but she didn't answer, so the blonde just went back home. The next day the brunette called the blonde to see if she wanted to go with her to look at their scores. The blonde says sure and meets the brunette at the school. The brunette beats the blonde to the school, so she goes ahead and looks at the scores to find out they both made it. When the blonde gets there, she finds her name on the list again. Then she says, "Yes! I made it again, I made it last night and I made it again today. I am on a roll!"
Vote: has 69.86 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, phone, school
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
Vote: has 68.56 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, cop, drunk, phone
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent out to install telephone poles for the Telephone Company. After the first day, the brunette team had installed 30 poles, the redhead team had installed 37 poles, and the blonde team had installed 7. The contractor was outraged with the blonde team and demanded to know why they had done so few. "Hey, we saw what the other teams were doing. Their's were still sticking out of the ground."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, ginger, phone
When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
911 calls Chuck Norris for emergency.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, doctor, health, phone
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows. "I'm getting a fax," he explains.
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, phone, technology
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. Wife: 'What are you doing dear?' Husband: 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' Wife: 'How on earth do you know which gender they were?' Husband: 'Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone.'
Vote: has 67.34 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, husband, old people, phone, wife
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she gave me an ear infection over the phone.
Vote: has 66.21 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, phone, Yo mama