Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal? A: Due.
Q: When will scientists cure the common cold? A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.
A Liberal found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.
You will never see a car worth over $10,000 with an Obama sticker on the back.
Q: How big is a Republican-size bed? A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
Q: Why do they say elephants never forget? A: They haven't met Alberto Gonzalez.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 200. Ten to attach the bulb to the sun, and 190 to make the sun revolve around the Earth.
Donald Trump is a vain, arrogant, hateful pig. That's why Americans voted him in - he's just like them.
Well goodnight everyone. I have to get up early tomorrow to do nothing and still make more money than all of you!