Q: There is a $100 bill sitting in the middle of a 4 way intersection, at one side there is a man hating dike, at another side, there is Santa, at another side there is the Easter Bunny, and at the las side there is a man loving lesbian. Who gets the $100 bill? A: The man hating dike because all others are a figure of your imagination.
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
Q: Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollars bill who gets it?? A: No one the first four doesn't exist and the other blonde thought it was a gum wrapper!
Santa Clause doesn't watch you sleep but Chuck Norris does.
Santa Claus goes to the mall to sit on Chuck Norris' lap.
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status? A: Elf-employed.
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement? I don't know. A reindeer. What about the cement? I just threw that in to make it hard.