Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK?
A: He can claim Gift Relief.
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
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If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
Yo mama so ugly she made santa say ho ho ho.
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA?
A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status?
A: Elf-employed.
My dad was a complicated man.
He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know?
Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
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