Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus? A: No one is awake to see either of them.
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK? A: He can claim Gift Relief.
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
Yo mama so ugly she made santa say ho ho ho.
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status? A: Elf-employed.
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.