Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK?
A: He can claim Gift Relief.
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
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Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
Yo mama so ugly she made santa say ho ho ho.
If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
The song Santa Claus is Coming To Town was originaly called Chuck Norris is Coming To Town.
They changed it so the children wouldn't live in fear.
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