The best sex jokes

The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position". The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
Vote: has 76.77 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, life, marriage, sex
Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one night, and had just finished when Paul decided he was going to freshen up in the shower. Tom was laying there thinking about how wonderful Paul was, when he decided he was going to join him in the shower. When Tom got into the bathroom, he opened up the shower curtain and the first thing he saw was a large cumshot on the wall. He wailed to Tom, "I can't believe you! We just finish making love and you come in here and jack-off!" Paul looks at the wall and says "What are you talkng about? I wasn't jacking-off, I farted!"
Vote: has 76.66 % from 108 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, fart, gay, love, sex
Mary to Jill: ‘My last boyfriend said he fantasised about having two girls at once. Jill: ‘Most men do. What did you tell him?’ Mary: ‘I said, “If you can’t satisfy one woman, why would you want to piss off another one?”’
Vote: has 76.64 % from 439 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Sex is like air – it’s not important until you’re not getting any.
Vote: has 76.60 % from 406 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
Vote: has 76.50 % from 848 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: masturbation, sex
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without, Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell, Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee, Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt.
Vote: has 76.40 % from 407 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, fish, sex
Q: What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy? A: Bubblegum and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Vote: has 76.34 % from 851 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Girl: I get horny everytime I hear something sexual, it's weird I know, but anyway, what's your name? Me: Sir BJ Anal The 69th.
Vote: has 76.32 % from 694 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex
Q: What did the penis say to the condom? A: Cover me im going in!
Vote: has 76.15 % from 649 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine." His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine." Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, sex, wife