How can you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
Wipe your dick on the curtains.
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Two girlfriends meet again after a few years.
One is pushing around a baby buggy.
The first girlfriend looks at the baby and is perplexed.
"Black skin? Blue slit eyes? A blonde afro? How did you do that?"
Murmurs the other woman.
"Damn gangbang! At least he doesn't bark!"
‘During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me.
Just the other night she called me from a hotel.’
Rodney Dangerfield
Do you like maths?
If so add a bed subtract your clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half.
The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?"
The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
A guy gets out of the V.D.
Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long.
Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times.
After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital.
"How's the food there?" asks the hooker.
"Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
Vote:
Q: What type of bees make milk?
A: Boo-bees.
Two firemen are butt fucking in a smoked filled room.
The fire chief walks in and says "what are you doing?"
Give this man mouth to mouth then one of the firemen says:
"I did how do you think all this shit got started..."
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time.
Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina."
Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
Q: How do you make four old ladies say "FUCK!"?
A: Get a fifth one to yell "BINGO!"