A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry.
Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a
lovely bouquet of roses.
Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a
suspicious look when he handed her the flowers.
"I suppose," she said, "that now you expect
me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread."
"Why?" said the young man.
"Don't we have a vase?"
The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, ‘Doctor, why do men always want to marry a virgin?’
To which the doctor responded, ‘To avoid criticism.’
An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half.
The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?"
The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
A Yankee from Chicago and a Texan were talking.
The Yankee said, "sex is so easy where I'm from we just walk up and stick it in."
The Texan said, "where I'm from we stick it in and walk up."
Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday.
I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...
Vote:
A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex.
The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying.
"You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother.
The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation.
After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy.
As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room.
Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump.
The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole.
Just really going to town on it.
The father screams "What the hell are you doing?"
The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"
Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"
The Madam is astonished.
"But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick."