The best sex jokes

Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
Vote:
has 75.18 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, vulgar
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor. “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief. But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.” “What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully. “That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened. “It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
Vote:
has 75.12 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, life, sex
The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, ‘Doctor, why do men always want to marry a virgin?’ To which the doctor responded, ‘To avoid criticism.’
Vote:
has 75.00 % from 388 votes. More jokes about: sex
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
Vote:
has 74.97 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, friendship, phone, sex
Q: What's a man's definition of safe sex? A: When his wife's out of town.
Vote:
has 74.93 % from 348 votes. More jokes about: sex, wife
Q: How do you make four old ladies say "FUCK!"? A: Get a fifth one to yell "BINGO!"
Vote:
has 74.92 % from 625 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch? A: A whore fucks everybody and a bitch fucks everybody but you.
Vote:
has 74.89 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, vulgar, women
Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived a powerful king and his beautiful queen. The queen was so gorgeous that the king's ministers were obsessed and craving to seduce her. One day, the king got an invitation to visit the King of Ethiopia and left behind his queen and his kingdom. Before leaving, he asked his three ministers to take good care of his queen and all his affairs during his absence. All three pronounced their loyalty. That night, when the queen was deep asleep the king placed a sharp blade inside her because he didn't trust his three ministers. The following week, the king returned and summoned his three ministers to the palace. He ordered all three to strip. To the king's surprise, two of them were penisless and the third was fine. The two unfaithful ministers were immediately executed. The king praised the third minister for his loyalty and asked him what he wished. "Aaaah, aaaaaaaaah," he replied.
Vote:
has 74.88 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: dirty, political, sex
Once upon a time, there was a king who thought that his officers were going to try to have sex with his queen. So he made all of his officers put on tight pants and told them that if anyone got a boner their head would be chopped off. So he lined them up and the queen came to the first one and took off her gown. He got a boner, so that was the end of him. Then she came to the next one and took off her gown, he got a boner and that was the end of him. This went on until she came to the last one and took off gown, then her underthings and he didn't get a boner. So she took off his clothes and started rolling on the floor with him, half an hour went by, then an hour, finally after two hours the king came in to see what was happening and as soon as the king came in the guy got a boner.
Vote:
has 74.84 % from 282 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, sex
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife... A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Vote:
has 74.78 % from 277 votes. More jokes about: sex
<<<23242526
More jokes →
Page 23 of 88.