The best sex jokes

A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
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has 73.48 % from 205 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, phone, sex, time
Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'
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has 73.37 % from 408 votes. More jokes about: animal, drug, sex
A boy went into a hoare house and said he wanted an AIDS's infected prostitute. The woman at reception said room 9 top of the hall. He went to the room and did his business.When he was leaving she asked him why he wanted her she being aids infected. The boy answered,"When I go home i'll sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with my mam then in the morning my mam will fuck the milkman and thats the BASTARD that ran over my dog.
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has 73.30 % from 709 votes. More jokes about: animal, business, dad, dog, sex
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised? A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
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has 73.22 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: blonde, men, sex, stupid, women
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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has 73.18 % from 385 votes. More jokes about: IT, life, programmer, sex
Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common? A: They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.
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has 73.13 % from 194 votes. More jokes about: democrat, sex
On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman, in particular, loses it! Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's drop-dead gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."
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has 73.12 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: airplane, death, sex, time, weather
Priest walks into a hotel reception and says 'I have booked a room for the night, but I hope the pornography on the television is disabled'. The receptionist say 'You weirdo, its normal porn!'
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has 73.12 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: priest, sex
The four words most hated by men during sex? ‘Is it in yet?’
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has 73.11 % from 708 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q: How do you find a blind man at a nude beach? A: It’s not hard.
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has 73.11 % from 380 votes. More jokes about: sex
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