The best sex jokes

Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Vote: has 73.04 % from 351 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, life, programmer, sex
A boy went into a hoare house and said he wanted an AIDS's infected prostitute. The woman at reception said room 9 top of the hall. He went to the room and did his business.When he was leaving she asked him why he wanted her she being aids infected. The boy answered,"When I go home i'll sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with my mam then in the morning my mam will fuck the milkman and thats the BASTARD that ran over my dog.
Vote: has 73.03 % from 655 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, business, dad, dog, sex
If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.
Vote: has 72.95 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
Vote: has 72.91 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, funeral, insulting, sex, wife
The four words most hated by men during sex? ‘Is it in yet?’
Vote: has 72.88 % from 694 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
A bus carrying nuns crashes over a cliff , all are killed!  They all line up at the pearly gates and ST peter stands there with his book. He calls the first nun up and says "Have you ever touched a penis" ,she replies "I only ever touched one with my index finger." He says "Well give one hell mary and dip your finger in the holly water and go throught the gates." He calls the second nun and says "have you ever touched a penis." She replies "I did touch one once with my left hand."  He says "well give three hell marys dip your hand in the holly water and go through the gate." Next thing a nuns comes running through all the othere nuns knocking this over and pushing all the othere nuns out of the way. ST Peter says "What's all the hurry?" The nun replies "Well I would like to gargle before sister mary dips her arse in the holly water."
Vote: has 72.84 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, death, sex
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
Vote: has 72.83 % from 109 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, relationship, sex
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
Vote: has 72.80 % from 167 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, mean, phone, sex, time
A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac." He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour." She says, "How much for all night?"
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, money, sex, time
"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?" "Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!" The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife. So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild sex in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!" The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."
Vote: has 72.57 % from 210 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, kids, sex, wife