The best sex jokes

A man is out shopping when he discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. He buys a pack and shows his wife. ‘They’re in three colours,’ he tells her, ‘Gold, silver and bronze.’ ‘So what colour are you going to wear tonight?’ she asks. ‘Gold of course,’ replies the man. ‘Why don’t you wear silver?’ replies his wife. ‘It would be nice if you came second for a change!’
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has 74.66 % from 254 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife... A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
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has 74.54 % from 270 votes. More jokes about: sex
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
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has 74.50 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: dirty, family, marriage, sex, wife
My wife and I really love bondage. She loves it because she's a kinky bitch. I love it because I get to gag her for a couple of hours.
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has 74.40 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: love, sex, wife
Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived a powerful king and his beautiful queen. The queen was so gorgeous that the king's ministers were obsessed and craving to seduce her. One day, the king got an invitation to visit the King of Ethiopia and left behind his queen and his kingdom. Before leaving, he asked his three ministers to take good care of his queen and all his affairs during his absence. All three pronounced their loyalty. That night, when the queen was deep asleep the king placed a sharp blade inside her because he didn't trust his three ministers. The following week, the king returned and summoned his three ministers to the palace. He ordered all three to strip. To the king's surprise, two of them were penisless and the third was fine. The two unfaithful ministers were immediately executed. The king praised the third minister for his loyalty and asked him what he wished. "Aaaah, aaaaaaaaah," he replied.
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has 74.37 % from 169 votes. More jokes about: dirty, political, sex
My husband told me to find him the best penis enlargement product. So I gave him a magnifying glass!
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has 74.36 % from 636 votes. More jokes about: husband, sex
Q: What's a man's definition of safe sex? A: When his wife's out of town.
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has 74.28 % from 339 votes. More jokes about: sex, wife
Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose," she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?"
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has 74.24 % from 501 votes. More jokes about: love, sex, wife
The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, ‘Doctor, why do men always want to marry a virgin?’ To which the doctor responded, ‘To avoid criticism.’
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has 74.24 % from 372 votes. More jokes about: sex
An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: age, life, old people, sex, viagra
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