Q: How do you find a blind man at a nude beach? A: It’s not hard.
Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, "I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this..." "Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault."
Two girlfriends meet again after a few years. One is pushing around a baby buggy. The first girlfriend looks at the baby and is perplexed. "Black skin? Blue slit eyes? A blonde afro? How did you do that?" Murmurs the other woman. "Damn gangbang! At least he doesn't bark!"
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.
Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch? A: A whore fucks everybody and a bitch fucks everybody but you.
Three men were in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said, "I died in a car accident." The second man said, "I died by drowning." The third man said, "I died of seenus." The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?" The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"
A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed. Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?" The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell." But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked. The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Alright!" creid the man. "Do you like drinking?" the demon asked. "Yeah!" The man answered. "Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Sweet!" cried the man. "Are you gay?" asked the demon. The man frowned and said: "No." The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling. The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.” The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!