"Grandpa, grandpa! I'm watching a soccer game!"
Grandpa: "Who's playing?"
Grandson: "Austria-Hungary."
Grandpa: "Against who?"
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Bad Zoo
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
Three holy men rode a plane home.
There was a terrorist on board who of the firm belief that the world should end.
Who should talk him out of it.
The pilot and his crew gave up and believed the holy men should live.
In the remains was a burnt soccer ball labeled flame retardant.
And a melted black box.
The holy men still live to tell the tale.
And so does the football.
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee.
He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
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Q: Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?
A: Because they can't stop saving their work.
Did you hear the NFL is changing the color off the football to green?
Yeah, you ever hear of a black person droping a watermelon?
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A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?"
He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match."
But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?"
He answered, "Because there was extra time."
During the soccer match little Johny sits in the front row. His friend asks:
How did you get tickets?
From my brother - respond Petya.
And where is your brother?
At home.
Looking for his ticket.
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Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
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