Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert.
After roaming all day long under the hot sun, they set up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, John woke up his friend.
"Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Jack looked up and replied, "I can see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asked John.
Jack thought for a minute and said.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
After a moment of silence, John spoke.
"It tells two things to me. First is that... you are an idiot."
Jack looked at John, surprised. "Why do you say so?" he said.
"Because it has still not occurred to you that someone has stolen our tent." replied John.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Yo mama so dumb she used old spice body wash to cook.
There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game.
At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000.
The first question was what is 10 plus 11?
She hesitates and says, "hm.. 5!"
The host says "No, I'm sorry thats incorrect."
All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
So the host agrees and said, "Ok how about 5 plus 5."
She answers and says "20".
Again all the blondes chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
So the host agrees again and says, "OK, last chance, what is 2 plus 2."
The blonde says "4!" and the audience says "Give her another chance give her another chance!"
There were five brothers named somebody, nobody, anybody mad and brain.
One day somebody and nobody were fighting, and just at that moment the anybody called police.
The police picked up the phone, and said hello.
Then Anybody: "Hello sir! I want to inform you that somebody is beating nobody."
Police: "Sorry!"
Anybody: "Sir somebody is beating nobody"
Police: "Are you mad? Who are you? What's your name?"
Anybody: "No, sir mad is dancing, I am anybody"
Police: "Shut up you idiot. What are you saying? Where have your brain gone? Is it lost?"
Anybody: "No, sir brain is not lost. Brain is in the bathroom."
Three guys are stuck on a deserted island when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. He picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pop out. The genie looks at the three guys and says: "I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish."Well, the first guy is sick and tired of being on the island, so he wishes to go back home. POOF!He disappears. The second one said he, too, is tired of the island and wishes to go home. POOF!He too disappears. The genie then turns to the last guy and asks him what his wish is."Gee," he says," I'm awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here!"
Vote:
Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Yo mama so stupid that when she turned on airplane mode...
She thought she could fly.
Vote:
Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first Blonde hands her the compact.
She looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"