Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes.
After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Then she said, "First Question was which tire was flat?"
Teacher: "Who can tell a story?"
Little Johnny: "Our maid's ass."
Teacher: "Why?"
Little Johnny: "Last night daddy touched her ass and was whispering: 'A wonderful story.'"
One day in class, the teacher says:
"Joe, 'I read, you read' what tense is that?"
"Simple Lost tense!"
Teacher: "Who can tell what is a mammal?
Little Johnny: "My grand mother!"
Vote:
[ancient greece]
Teacher: "What have you all chosen for your thesis?"
Hippocrates: "I'm laying the ground work for centuries of modern medicine."
Socrates: "I am examining what it means to be."
Ptolemy: "Uh you guys ever uh notice how those stars look like a bear?"
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a piano player in a whorehouse!"
The teacher couldn't believe what she's had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation.
Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to explain that to a seven year old kid!"
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Class: "Brotherly love."
PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?"
Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."
Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!