The best teacher jokes

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
Vote: has 47.70 % from 106 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, communication, family, little Johnny, teacher
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Vote: has 47.48 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, god, lawyer, teacher
A teacher was giving a lesson and was telling the pupils that we came from Adam and Eve. A hand went up and the kid said, "But my dad told me that we come from apes, Miss?" Miss replied, "Stay out of this one, Leroy!"
Vote: has 46.83 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, racist, teacher
Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her."
Vote: has 46.37 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cat, school, teacher
A student to his teacher: "I haven't got no pencil." Teacher, correcting him: "You don't have any pencil. He doesn't have any pencils. We don't have any pencils." Student, with a look of astonishment: "Where have all the pencils gone?"
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, student, teacher
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Ramu: A teacher.
Vote: has 45.52 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, teacher
Teacher: Who succeeded the first President of the USA? Class: The second one!
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More jokes about: kids, political, teacher
The absent-minded teacher paused to chat awhile with one of her students, then asked, "Which way was I going when I stopped to talk to you?" "That way", the student pointed. ''Good,'' said the teacher, ''then I've had my lunch."
Vote: has 45.10 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, teacher
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: “Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face.” “Yes, sir,” the boys said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “‘It’s because yer feet ain’t empty.”
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, student, teacher
Teacher: Billy, how do you spell "Crocodile"? Billy: ‘K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' Teacher: No, that's wrong Billy: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, school, teacher