The best time jokes

You could give me 37 years to do homework and I still wouldn't do it until the night before.
Vote:
has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: school, student, time, work
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
Vote:
has 73.50 % from 201 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, phone, sex, time
A Scottish man was at a baseball game. It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!” This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game. The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye ba$$tarrd, rrrun!” Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. The fan sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, “He can’t run because he got four balls.” The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, “Walk with pride, man! Walk with pride!”
Vote:
has 73.48 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: game, sport, time
On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. "Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor. "It did," the doctor replied.
Vote:
has 73.48 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, hunting, mean, time
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza: Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread" Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!" Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
Vote:
has 73.48 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, stupid, technology, time
I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
Vote:
has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids, time, wine
A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".
Vote:
has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, time
One morning a boy walks in to class late His substitute teacher asks him "Where have you been" He replies "Throwing pebbles at a car" 15 minutes later a girl walks in the teacher asks 'where have you been' she answers "throwing pebbles at a car" 2 hours later a young girl comes in all bruised and dirty the teacher asks "Let me guess you were throwing pebbles at a car" she answers "No miss, I am pebbles"
Vote:
has 73.26 % from 277 votes. More jokes about: car, school, time
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
Vote:
has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: death, time, women
A blonde pick ups her dress from the dry cleaners, when she leaves the Cashier says, "Come again!" Bonde said, "Nah..It was ketchup this time."
Vote:
has 72.95 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: blonde, dirty, time
<<<15161718
More jokes →
Page 15 of 53.