The best time jokes

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight..."
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Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"
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A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse. “Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked. “No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”
Vote: has 72.24 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris tells clocks what time it is.
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Yo mama so fat when she tossed in her sleep she woke up in another time zone.
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One morning a boy walks in to class late His substitute teacher asks him "Where have you been" He replies "Throwing pebbles at a car" 15 minutes later a girl walks in the teacher asks 'where have you been' she answers "throwing pebbles at a car" 2 hours later a young girl comes in all bruised and dirty the teacher asks "Let me guess you were throwing pebbles at a car" she answers "No miss, I am pebbles"
Vote: has 72.07 % from 261 votes. Send joke:

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Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Vote: has 71.97 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food, poems, sex, time
Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
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In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague. The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health, time
2012 is the predicted date for the end of the world. The only rational explanation is Chuck Norris.
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