A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".
Chuck Norris is never late... time is just early.
Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.
Night time... when Chuck Norris tells the sun it's time for bed.
Did you hear about the hopeless athlete? He ran a bath and came in second.
After twelve years of carrying books to school, you're well prepared for a career in backpacking.
There were three guys manhers, shaup and shed. They went for a drive, shed wanted to go to the store to pick up snacks for the ride. So shed went in the store. Twenty minutes passes they were getting impatient so manhers went in what's taking him so long. Minutes later a police officer went to him and asked his name he replied "shaup!" Police officer was startled what he said. Police said "where's your manners boy!". Shaup replied to the officer "he's inside picking up shed*
Two sperms. The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?" The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."
The Commanding General is supposed to visit the unit, so, in order to appear snappy, the captain stations a private as a sentry outside the front door. "Inform me immediately upon the General's arrival," the captain orders the Private. "Yes sir!" the Private Responds. An hour goes by, and the General hasn't arrived. The worried Captain checks with the Sentry. "Did the General arrive?" "No Sir!" Another 1/2 hour goes by and the captain, getting nervous, checks with the sentry again? "Hasn't the General arrived yet?" "No Sir!" This continues for two hours. Finally, the General arrives. "Where the hell have you been?" snapped the private, "The captain's looking for you!"
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.