The best time jokes

Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.
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has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: friendship, insulting, love, relationship, time
Yo mama so fat when she tossed in her sleep she woke up in another time zone.
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has 71.80 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, time, Yo mama
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?" And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: accountant, communication, mean, time, work
It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: geography, time, weather
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: accountant, business, time, work
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench in front of a large pond. On the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and says, "I could really go for an ice cream cone." Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one." Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down." Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?" Wife says, "Get me a strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles." Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember. Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns. The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost?" The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted." The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries! Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down." Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there." To which the wife replies, "No, it's not... look, you forgot the pickles!"
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: food, memory, old people, time
A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
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has 71.29 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: desert island, IT, time
I spotted several pairs of men's Levi's at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head. "I'm still wearing the 33s," he said. "Come back next year."
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has 71.15 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, fat, time
I lost 125 pounds. It took me a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, but I finally divorced the bitch!
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: divorce, mean, money, time
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