The best time jokes

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: flirt, food, romantic, time
An Army Officer with an under-trainee Cadet went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep. Some hours later, Officer awoke and nudged his cadet. "Charlie, look up and tell me what you see." Charlie replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Officer asked. Watson pondered for a minute and in order to impress his officer said "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that the lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Officer was silent for a minute, and then spoke. "Charlie, you idiot, somebody has stolen our **** tent."
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has 70.31 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: military, science, time
My dotor told me: "I've tow news for U; one good and the other one bad, which one do U prefer to hear first?" I replied I prefer the good one. Doctor: "U will die after next 24 hours!" I told: "Then what is the bad newsrnDoctor: "I forgot to tell U yesterday!"
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has 70.03 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, life, time
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?
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has 70.03 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: Halloween, time, ugly, Yo mama
A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island. After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Cindy Crawford. They build a lean-to and find some food and water. After a few weeks, it becomes clear that help is not on the way, so they start to get intimate. The guy is clearly ecstatic for a couple of weeks, but one morning she awakes to find him moping under a tree. "What's the matter?" Cindy says: "Is there anything I can do?" "Well, I am a little shy about asking you," he replies: "But could you take some of that charcoal from the fire and paint a mustache on your face?" "A mustache? Well... I... I suppose so", and she does it. "Now, there's just one other thing. Can I call you Bob... like my friend?" "Bob? Well... if it will make you feel better... all right." "Great!" he cries, looks at her and says: "Bob! You're never gonna believe who I'm fucking!"
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has 70.03 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: desert island, friendship, sex, time, travel
Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion? A: It was too current.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: hipster, time
"Backspace key"... hiding feelings since ages.
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has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: technology, time
Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day? A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
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has 69.86 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, food, political, Thanksgiving, time
We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately we've been married for 10 years.
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has 69.84 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
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has 69.72 % from 240 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, time
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