The best time jokes

Seems like school and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
Vote: has 69.39 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, time
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Vote: has 69.34 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food, poems, sex, time
A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight. Disturbed, he turned to the guy. "In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!" "Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, kids, time
Three men were caught for murder on same day. Very next day they were produced in the court. After hearing all the arguments the judge decided to declare the verdict after lunch. It happened to be his wife's birthday that day and he had promised to not give death penalty on her birthday to anyone. After lunch judge announced that all the three accused will receive 500 lashes. Since it's almost a death penalty all accused were asked for their last wish. First one thought as nothing can save him now, wishes for noth ing. He is lashed 500 times all over his body. He was bleeding all over gasping for final breath and conciousness. When second person was asked for his wish he thought for a moment and said, "I wish that 10 pillow is tied all over me." Well, 500 lashes was given but he laughed all over as pillow absorbed all the forces of lashes. Now, The third person was called and asked for his wish. He looked around. He saw first person facing his death and counting his last breath and second person laughing at first person calling him idiot. He took some time and with deep breath said,"Tie second person over me. "
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, dirty, prison, time, wife
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 68.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, life, time
Hide an alarm clock in someone's bedroom and set it for 3:00 a.m.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: April fools, time
Two girl sprinters are training for the 100 metres race. One says to the other: "You won't believe this, but I've just run 100 metres in 10 seconds." The other says: "But that's impossible, that's the world record." So the other says: "Ah hah, but I took a short cut."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: athlete, time
Chuck Norris walked his version of a 40-yard dash in 5.6 seconds; he was later told it was the Boston Marathon.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport, time
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
Vote: has 68.26 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, time, women