The best time jokes

Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
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has 64.01 % from 458 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, time, wife
Work emails are like the gym. You sign up for it thinking it will be loads of fun. You get bored of it within hours. You only keep going to keep up your reputation. The more you stay away, the harder it is to go back.
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has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, gym, life, time, work
Q: What did the clock do when it was hungry? A: It went back four seconds.
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has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: food, time
Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, office, time, work
I was taking a golf lesson at the range one day trying to improve my game. This old pro was sitting there giving the lesson and after every swing, he said: "your standing too close the ball". So I adjusted my stance and took another swing. Again the golf pro looked up from his seat and said the Same thing "you are too close to the ball." So I stepped back a little more and swung. This went on for another six swings with the same advice and finally, out of exasperation I screamed what the hell are you talking about! The old pro said, "no no, you are too close to the ball after you hit it".
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: communication, game, golf, mean, time
Two new deer hunters decided to separate to increases their chances. "What if we get lost?" says one of them. "Fire three shots up in the air, every hour on the hour," says the other. "I saw it on TV." Sure enough, one of the hunters gets lost, so he fires three shots up into the air every hour on the hour. The next day the other hunter finds his friend with the help of the Forest Ranger. "Did you do what I said?" asked the hunter. "Yes, I fired three shots up into the air every hour on the hour, until I ran out of arrows."
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: friendship, hunting, time
So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
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has 63.61 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, friendship, time, work
Judge: "You are sentenced to 2 years of solitary confinement" Me: "Thank you."
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: communication, prison, time
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
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has 63.32 % from 264 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, lesbian, time
Teacher: What happened in 1869? Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born. Teacher: What happened in 1873? Student: Gandhi was four years old
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: kids, student, teacher, time
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