Chuck Norris bunked school one day. Till today that day is known as Sunday.
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!
Chuck Norris's Birthday is October 32th.
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."
Q: Why do Republican tax cuts always expire in ten years or less? A: They want to make them thirty but keep running out of fingers.
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?” “Twelve thirty.”
Boy: My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on. Girl: Well its wrong... Boy: Guess my watch is 15 minutes fast
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
Chuck Norris once slapped a man into next week. The man was missing for four and a half years.
Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch? A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.