The best time jokes

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, elephant, time
Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, office, time, work
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
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has 61.93 % from 310 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, lesbian, time
The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes. St. Peter: "What do you want? " Pakistani man: "I'm here for Jesus." St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's her!! "
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has 61.92 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: christian, communication, ethnic, heaven, time
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A: Because they can spend years at C!
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: pirate, student, time
Q: If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday, how does he do it? A: The horse's name is Friday!
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: cowboy, horse, time
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: death, god, life, money, time
This guy named "John" asked advice how to lose extra LBS gained during vacation and was told about some new fitness center. So John went to check it out. Walked in, put $10 on the counter and said: "I'd like to lose 10 LBS please?!" The receptionist smiled and pointed to a pink door. John walked slowly into the room and saw only a massage table, a gorgeous scantily dressed woman on the other side. She said in a sexy voice "If you catch me, you fxxx me! " John ran around n round, caught her and... A few days later John returned. He put $20 on the counter and said "I'd like to lose 20 LBS. The smiling receptionist and pointed to a red door. John strutting to the door, and entered where he beheld 2 beautifully attired very hot n sexy women kissing and caressing each other, then they stood up, gazed at John, who was already moving toward them. And they purred "you catch us, you fuck us!" Already in motion, John ran round n round caught one, then caught the other... The following week John went back again. He smiled while searching for the door he knew was waiting for him, and slapped $50 on the counter saying excitedly "50 LBS for 50 bucks." The receptionist pointed to a black door. John strode over with quick steps, opened the door and immediately heard a deep voice belonging to the biggest blackest buck naked she-male say excitedly "I catch you I fuck you!"
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: fitness, money, time, vulgar, women
Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus' time? A:Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
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has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: bible, car, christian, time
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
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has 61.40 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: business, life, math, time, women
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